TOW 19 - Love and Limerence – the Experience of Being in Love (Dorothy Tennov)

Love has always been simple. Not when you’re in love, because then it’s messy and complicated, but when you are an objective observer, noticing a couple quixotically gazing into each other eyes, you can just know that’s love. Of course there are different types of love, the type you feel for your family, for your friends, for your partner, for your dog, and so on, but either way it’s simple. Dorothy Tennov’s book, Love and Limerence – the Experience of Being in Love, enlightens us with the information that sometimes your love isn’t real. In the first half of the book, Tennov uses personal anecdotes, scientific research and personification to explain the difference between love and limerence.

Tennov opens her text with a dialogue between a student and herself discussing the student’s breakup. Tennov realizes that everyone had a heartbreaking love story comprised of the same general events. Through the use of her own anecdotes, Tennov is able to establish a pattern in not only her study, but also the reader’s mind. The reader can acknowledge that this pattern is based off real life and not a closed-system science experiment.

To add credibility to her theory, Tennov references renowned experts in the study of love. A reference such as Sigmund Freud, a well-known researcher for his eccentric theories on sexuality, or Eric Fromm, a scientific name less common than Freud but more recent, shows the audience that Tennov’s theory is not so out-there. Using other’s theories for support, is a common form of induction that appeals to logic as well.

A personal favorite of Tennov’s techniques is her use of personification. Tennov describes limerence almost as a person. For example, “Limerence enters your life pleasantly. It may be an old friend… Or it may be a new person.” This device makes it easier for the reader to visualize and relate to an elusive idea.

So far, Tennov has successfully explained a complex idea to the simple-minded in a way that causes you to question relationships. It enters your mind that all of what you have seen or all of what you have felt may not have been love.